In Memory of Jack

I chose to launch this writing project on April 14, my nephew Jack’s birthday. He would be 15 years old today. I do not know how age works in heaven, but since we are all youthful and healthy there, maybe he is still celebrating his 15th birthday there today. Jack lived a short, but full and beautiful life. While he could not communicate with words, he spoke through his infectious smile and dazzling blue eyes. He was brought into this world and cared for by two parents who could not have been more perfect for the job of loving this special boy and showing the world to him in every way they could.

Jack lived a life of complete dependence. He reminds me that we all live that same life of dependence. We come into this world with nothing, we leave this life with nothing, and we are all in desperate need of God for everything in between. God, thank you for Jack’s life. Thank you for blessing me with the opportunity to know him, to get to be his aunt, and for allowing all those who knew him to see you through Jack. Below is the speech I gave at Jack’s memorial service on January 14, 2013.

*Special note: Jack had two sisters, Meghan and Caroline, at the time I wrote this. His third sister, Olivia, was born on February 14, 2014. I would like to include Olivia in the sentiments I wrote to Jack’s sisters towards the end of this speech.

There is a little boy in heaven right now having an absolute ball running, jumping, skipping, playing baseball. His gorgeous, contagious smile is beaming even brighter as he runs through a field and does a flying leap into the air enjoying the agility in his arms and legs for the first time. He feels no pain. He knows no suffering. Jack is home.

There is a story in the gospel of John where Jesus and his disciples encounter a blind man begging. The disciples ask Jesus, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him” (John 9:2-3). This story has often resonated with me in regards to my nephew, Jack. Since the time he was born, I have watched in utter amazement how God has shown himself through Jack. First and foremost, Jack’s smile. Have you ever stopped to think about how so many parts of Jack’s body did not work and continued to decline over the years, yet his smile only grew brighter and more beautiful the older he got? Jack brought people together. He brought an entire community together through dog biscuits and forever touched the lives of so many people at this church. God intended us to live lives deeply intertwined with each other, and he used Jack to remind us of that.

Many of us here today, including myself, might be thinking how unfair this is. How unfair it was that Jack had to spend his 6 ½ years on this earth so uncomfortable in a body that did not function properly. How unfair it is that his sweet, wonderful parents and sisters have to endure the pain of losing him. And you are right. It’s not fair. And there is something I want to say today in response to that, which is that this is not our home. I’ve heard a few pastors say that we are not physical beings who have temporary spiritual experiences, but rather we are spiritual beings who are having a temporary physical experience here on this earth. We are all in need of something, someone bigger than ourselves to get us through this life and on to the next. We know things are not right here. We know pain, suffering, and heartache are not how we were meant to live. But how do we get to that place where there is no more pain? A place where the burden of our tears will be no more? The answer to that is not a something, it is a someone. It is Jesus. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16). And who is the world? It’s each and every one of you.

Katie and Doug, I know it has been so difficult to never hear your son speak. There are so many things I imagine he wanted to say to you. And he did with his eyes, his smiles, his laughter and tears, and those contented sighs. If I may, I would like to say to you a few things that I would imagine Jack would want you to know today. I think he would say, thank you for loving me with your whole heart. Thank you for taking me places and showing me things I never would have been able to see and experience on my own. Thank you for not being afraid to take me on vacations, even vacations that required long airplane rides where you had to change my diaper with one hand while the other hand was holding my head standing up in the tiny airplane bathroom. (I still do not understand how my sister did that). I think Jack would say, I love how you greeted me with the biggest, most excited “hello” every day when I got home from school, Mommy. You would drop everything you were doing to show me how much I mattered to you. And I love how you, Daddy, would throw me up in the air when you got home from work. There is no one in the world who could hold me the way you did, Dad. I loved sitting on your lap at the dinner table. You held me in a way that made me feel like I counted and my presence was important. Thank you for taking me to church and teaching me about Jesus and how much He loves me. Thank you for singing my favorite song, “Jesus Loves Me” before bed. Thank you for making prayer an important part of our day as a family. Thank you for letting so many people become so intimately involved in our family and helping me make so many friends at church. Thank you for taking the step of faith to raise money for a service dog for me. For not letting fear hold you back from doing that for me. Taking that step led to some of the best moments of my life as you let God turn a simple fundraising party into so much more.

There are so many more things I think Jack would want to say to you, and you will get to hear them yourself some day when you join him in heaven. But, I think more than anything he would want you to know that you are incredible parents. All three of your children are so blessed by the decisions you have made and the way you have chosen to live your lives. Each day you make your marriage a priority. You love each other with a faithfulness and respect that is rare. You are truly best friends who enjoy each other’s company more and more with each passing year. You are experts at being present in the moment, celebrating and appreciating even the most routine activities- coloring with Meghan and Caroline, having dinner on your deck, enjoying the wood crackling in your fireplace.

And to Meghan and Caroline, your brother has given you so many gifts that you have yet to unwrap. Blessings stored up for your future. You are so young, and I know you are going to miss Jack terribly. You are going to miss seeing his school bus pull up in front of your house and miss visiting his classroom at Matheny. But do not be afraid. Your brother’s presence in your life will never be far away. He has left permanent imprints on your hearts that will never fade. The way you see and interact with people with disabilities will be so wonderfully unique. You see them for who they are, beautiful people made in God’s image. You will have a level of understanding for people that is well beyond your years. And you have each other- the special bond of sisterhood, the distinctive understanding of each other’s needs and emotions that only comes from a lifetime of shared experiences. God gave you an extra special bonus of knitting you together in your Mommy’s womb at the same time because he knew you were going to need each other from the start.

But even more, God knows the four of you need Him more than anything. God’s abiding presence in your life is always there. He is with you and will never leave you. He has given you this church family as well as so many other people to love and support you every step of your journey from here. You will see God’s goodness in your life every day just as you have from the moment Jack entered your life. You will see it in the embrace of a neighbor stopping by to see how you are doing, in the gift of dinner dropped off on your doorstep. You will see it in the face of a child blessed beyond their wildest expectations by the gift of a service dog made possible by Jack’s team. Jack’s team will live on. Look around you. We are here. We love you, Jack, and we love you, Katie, Doug, Caroline, and Meghan. May the Lord bless you, and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace (Numbers 6:24-27). Amen.